Are you grief literate or illiterate?

Those of us acquainted with grief understand the power of words.

Many well meaning friends and family struggle with knowing how to act and what to say to someone who has recently lost a loved one. I can still shake my head in disbelief over some of the careless words and actions of some after my son Dakota died.

Fast forward 15 years later, I see things from a different perspective. Death and grief is hard. From someone who has lived through the tragedy of losing a loved one, there are a few things to consider if you are faced with helping someone through this loss.

1. Be there. When you lose a loved one, your life is turned upside down. There is a lot of confusion, shock and fear. Having loving and supportive people around is comforting.

2. Consider your words carefully. Slow down and be as thoughtful as possible about how you speak. Sayings like "life goes on" hurts more than you realize. It may be true but is it helpful? When in doubt, don't say it.

3. Look for cues from the grieving person. Some people will want you to do things for them while others may feel better doing tasks themselves. This may even change from moment to moment. The key is to be patient and loving without overwhelming the person.

The death of a loved one is a hard time for all. Being caring, considerate and a source of comfort are key factors in helping your loved one get through this difficult season.